Trustworthy – some of the synonyms are: dependable, reliable, responsible, truthful, honest, constant, honorable & upright. Breaking the word up into its parts, something or someone that is trustworthy is something/someone that has value to you because you can confidently rely on it/them. Being trustworthy is a great thing and something we should all strive to be – definitely a virtue.
How do we assign our trust? Sometimes the trust is earned. After experience with and interacting with the subject, we can judge for ourselves that the desired outcome is what we want. Even if we don’t get the outcome we want, if we can consistenly see the same outcome, we will trust it to always happen that way, even if we don’t like it. (It sounds funnier reading it back). Dearest Hubby, an engineer, was trying to point this out to me tonight in a very engineer way – things are either yes/no, black/white, on/off, one’s or zero’s.
Sometimes we trust in people or things because it is instilled in us from a very young age. You grow up trusting in someone because your parents did and that’s just the way it is. I think the respect thing works this way, too. I’ve noticed this as my daughter has entered school – even though a teacher may be younger than me and refer to herself by her first name, my first inclination is to call her Miss/Mrs Whatever. Again, this is a good thing, especially as it relates to the 4th commandment to respect your father & mother (or those placed in authority).
But what happens when someone that you trust breaks that trust? And not just once, but over and over again. And continues to even after the issues have been discussed with them personally and publicly (reference Matthew 18:15-20). When do you stop offering your trust? And when do you say, “Enough is enough?”
What about the other people whose trust has been broken, as well? I’ve known tremendous pain myself just from watching the pain & anguish of those others. My heart goes out to them and my first inclination is to be the momma bear and lash out at the person causing the pain. I’ve managed to pretty successfully keep momma bear in her cage with lots of prayer & venting.
The next place I usually go is to the analytical portion of my brain. I’m pretty verbose (could you tell?) and pretty good too at picking things apart and analyzing them and then putting my thoughts down on paper. You wouldn’t believe the number of unfinished papers/letters I have stored on my computer that document my feelings and frustrations concerning my loss of trust. Venting on the computer, and even on this blog, is somewhat therapeutic and at least makes me feel like my voice has been heard.
So then what? Jesus requires me to forgive over and over and over again, as long as necessary. And I think I have reached that point, with ALOT of praying. And I can say that having a forgiving heart (Thank You Jesus) has enabled me to continue to deal with this person with love and respect. But not trust.
Can trust be restored? I’m not sure. I’ve heard tales of husbands/wives recovering their marriage after infidelity. I know there have been other things & people in my life who have broken my trust, but it is hard to remember them. Perhaps that is one of the great gifts I received from my parents is a heart that is willing to trust. I do know, though, that this is the first time when I have so urgently sought the Father’s guidance to give me direction in this area. (What’s that saying? “Don’t sweat the small stuff, because to God it’s all small stuff.”)
An incident, though, has finally occured that I feel it is time for me to take a stand and be willing to put myself in the firing line. The stand I plan to take won’t be pretty or pleasant, but I pray that I can keep it respectful and honest. I just feel like I’m being driven (called perhaps?) to serve my friends with this action. I feel very peaceful with my decision, even though doing it is still a little scary. I wonder if that’s how Jesus felt during Holy Week. I think I’ve got to keep my heart open to the Lord’s direction and be willing to follow where He commands. No matter what happens. That’s the cost of following Jesus (see a previous post).
Well, as I sit here typing, the download I’m waiting for is about 2/3 finished. But it’s really late and I’m tired (physically and emotionally). I think I’ll wrap it up for tonight and at least try to get some rest and trust the internet (HA HA) to do this download thing right on its own.
Until next time…